Pain.

When there's nothing to say.
Pain.
When there's nothing you can do.
Pain.
When you wish for something more.
Pain.
When you hope for the better.
Pain.
When tears stream down your face.
Pain.
When you wake up in the middle of the night.
Pain.
When you realise why you woke up.
Pain.
When you're not here.
Pain.
When you wake up in the morning.
Pain.
And you still feel the same.
Pain.

What can I say?

It´s been a month since I´ve written.
I´m not ashamed.
Well oh maybe a little.
A lot has happened.
As always.
Let´s leave that in the past.
I guess sometimes being sad.
Miserable.
Sick.
And upset.
Brings out the words I see.
On a piece of paper.
Oh well, now on a bright screen.
Yes.
It´s true.
Life isn´t just fun and games.
Even if people pretend and want it to be.
It´s always the same old roller coaster.
Constantly on it.
Even if I try to jump off it.
It´s impossible.
It never stops at the bottom.
Or it might stop.
But mine never lets me get off.
I guess I bought a ticket, it says "valid for eternity".
This is a good reminder for me though.
A reminder of who I am.
The overly sensitive soul.

With my deep thoughts.
I wish I could teleport myself now.
Just for 1 hour.
To my pier.
My safe place.
The complete silence.
The nature around me.
Me.
My thoughts.
And my complete silence.
But even just closing my eyes.
Takes me back there.
Calms my mind.
Puts a smile on my face.
I have amazing memories.
And even more amazing memories to come.

I need to do this more.
And when you read this.
Enjoy.
Don´t ask me what´s wrong.
Just be happy for me.
I found it again.

"I can say I did it all with love"

Just a thought.

I just realized.

There's a feeling.

I've never thought about before.

The feeling.

When you wake up.

In the middle of the night.

It's early morning.

The sun is about to rise.

You struggle to open your eyes.

The kitchen.

The sink.

Dirty dishes.

Dust.

All those shoes in the hallway.

Front door.

It takes a while.

To get your thoughts sorted.

Then you remember.

You turn your head.

Look back. 

There he is.

Even if he is turned the other way.

Even if he is snoring.

His presence.

Makes you smile.

That feeling.

Makes me happy.

A lot had happened.

Festivals.

Work.

Sickness.

Tiredness.

And just enjoying moments.

Been neglecting this place. 

I need to see more words again.

Livet.

Life just is.
And I´m happy.
Have I said that?

Midsummers went by.
Sauna.
Friends.
Lakes.
Ocean.
Wine.
Lots of wine.
Beer.
Lots of beer.
Did I say sauna?
Love.
Family.
Laughter.
Fishing.
Boating.
It was perfect.

I´m in love.
With here.
With this.
With him.

Now I´ll be stuck for the weekend.
Working at Tuska-festival.
Which basically means The Agony.
It´s all about.
Black.
Leather.
666.
Satan.
And most importantly.
Heavy metal.
It´ll be all rainbows and unicorns.



Midsommar place.

Midsommar company day 1.

Midsommar company 2.

Road trip views/mobile uploads.

Road trip company/mobile uploads.

Late night fishing company/mobile uploads.

Midsummer week.

Last week just happened again.
And I keep forgetting to update.

Last week was hectic.
Went to some shows.
The weekend was filled with this and that.

On Saturday my friend Lasse released his brand.
Clothes.
Valo.
Which means light.
It was a cool event.
Music.
People.
It was in an old factory.
I love old industrial surroundings.
I get so inspired.

Sunday was my fun day as usual.
I can´t even explain my love for sundays.
The feelings.
Anything´s possible on a sunday.
We woke up.
And when I say we.
I mean me and him.
We walked to the other side of the city, Kallio.
Ate good sunday homey food.
Drove to this area outside of town, Laajasalo.
And walked through these abandoned villas.
Amazing.
So many questions arise.
I personally want one of the villas.
By the ocean.
In the middle of the woods.
Peace and quiet.

This week it´s Midsummers.
Which basically means the summer is here.
It´s light and bright.
We get days off work.
And head to the promised land of the cabins.
We will visit his cabin by a lake.
And then my parents cabin by the ocean.
Feel the breeze.
Swim in the ocean.
Smell the forest.
Eat well.
Enjoy good company.
Sweat in the sauna.
Drink a few beers.

I´ve missed this.
Enjoy the views.


















My childhood friend Kalle, who´s very dear to me.

Dear diary.

I have been busy.
And happy.
And active.
And shit´s happened.

After a 6 year struggle.
I graduated school.
And I am now officially a graduated arts manager.
I went to school on friday.
Got the verdict.
Walked out in to the sunshine.
And tears started streaming down my face.
The joy.
The proudness.
The emotion of getting something accomplished.

I went out.
Friday night.
Danced all night.
To the tunes of Hercules & Love Affair.
I love the new nightlife in Helsinki.
Finally Helsinki is catching up to the rest of Europe.

Saturday.
Headed to the summer house.
By the ocean.
Bonfires.
Food.
Family.
Friends.
Sauna.
Skinny dipping.
And most importantly.
My love.

Here´s some weekend feelings.
Talk to you soon.








My parents summer house.
'
The bonfire was one of the key factors of saturday night.

Recently.

I´ve been making myself too busy.
I guess I have a tendency to do so.
I make too many plans.
And it brings me stress.
To have time to do everything.
When I sometimes just need time by myself.
Even the weekend went my so fast.
It was a good one though.
Really good one.
Sunshine.
Happiness.
And love.
PUSS.
Today I went to my parents summer house.
It was one of the most relaxing things I´ve done in a while.
It´s a paradise.


Porvoo.
Summer cottage.
And a handsome man.

Baby boo.

One of my favourite places in Helsinki.

Through the glass.
Street art.
And my boyfriend.
YES.
I have one.