Pain.

When there's nothing to say.
Pain.
When there's nothing you can do.
Pain.
When you wish for something more.
Pain.
When you hope for the better.
Pain.
When tears stream down your face.
Pain.
When you wake up in the middle of the night.
Pain.
When you realise why you woke up.
Pain.
When you're not here.
Pain.
When you wake up in the morning.
Pain.
And you still feel the same.
Pain.

Livet.

Life just is.
And I´m happy.
Have I said that?

Midsummers went by.
Sauna.
Friends.
Lakes.
Ocean.
Wine.
Lots of wine.
Beer.
Lots of beer.
Did I say sauna?
Love.
Family.
Laughter.
Fishing.
Boating.
It was perfect.

I´m in love.
With here.
With this.
With him.

Now I´ll be stuck for the weekend.
Working at Tuska-festival.
Which basically means The Agony.
It´s all about.
Black.
Leather.
666.
Satan.
And most importantly.
Heavy metal.
It´ll be all rainbows and unicorns.



Midsommar place.

Midsommar company day 1.

Midsommar company 2.

Road trip views/mobile uploads.

Road trip company/mobile uploads.

Late night fishing company/mobile uploads.

Midsummer week.

Last week just happened again.
And I keep forgetting to update.

Last week was hectic.
Went to some shows.
The weekend was filled with this and that.

On Saturday my friend Lasse released his brand.
Clothes.
Valo.
Which means light.
It was a cool event.
Music.
People.
It was in an old factory.
I love old industrial surroundings.
I get so inspired.

Sunday was my fun day as usual.
I can´t even explain my love for sundays.
The feelings.
Anything´s possible on a sunday.
We woke up.
And when I say we.
I mean me and him.
We walked to the other side of the city, Kallio.
Ate good sunday homey food.
Drove to this area outside of town, Laajasalo.
And walked through these abandoned villas.
Amazing.
So many questions arise.
I personally want one of the villas.
By the ocean.
In the middle of the woods.
Peace and quiet.

This week it´s Midsummers.
Which basically means the summer is here.
It´s light and bright.
We get days off work.
And head to the promised land of the cabins.
We will visit his cabin by a lake.
And then my parents cabin by the ocean.
Feel the breeze.
Swim in the ocean.
Smell the forest.
Eat well.
Enjoy good company.
Sweat in the sauna.
Drink a few beers.

I´ve missed this.
Enjoy the views.


















My childhood friend Kalle, who´s very dear to me.

I scream.

A lot has happened.
I can´t believe I´ve been home.
1 month.
I have my own apartment.
I have a job.
I have found a big liking in someone.
Somehow all of this happened in a blink of an eye.
I do feel happy.
I am smiling more than usual.
I am not planning any travels.
For a while at least.
I feel content.
I´m surrounded by amazing people.
They make me laugh until I cry.
Love.

Friday.
I went to see a show.
Huoratron.
I danced for a good few hours.
Saturday.
Up.
And out.
To eat a lot of different cuisines.
Restaurant day was here.
I have some plans for the end of the summer.
When it´s held again.
Then we chilled in the park.
Me and 3 other girls.
Good times.
Sunday.
Was today.
I spent my entire day at the flea market.
Not a lot of people came.
The weather was BEAUTIFUL.
So I didn´t make a lot of money.
Well, it´s ok.


Popcorn SHIRT.
Flea market finds.

She was for sale too.

Beautiful topped with some Aioli.
I have missed Tori.
Amazing food.

Icecream in Finland marks the start of the summer.
I did it on the beach as well, that´s huge.

May day.

Came and went.
How?
It was fast.
Fun.
Crazy.
And filled with laughter.
Love.
And friends.

I´ve gotten stuff done.
I have a home.
I can´t believe it.
I am moving forward in graduating.
I usually don´t lack feeling.
But my thesis does.
How do I insert more feeling?
I feel like throwing up.
Reading and editing the thesis.
I want it to be done with.
Ush.

I came home to my parents.
To take it easy for one night.
Calm down.
Tonight I will O.D.
On sushi.
I guess I´ll move to my own castle next week.
The keys are in my pocket.


It was all black.
As it usually is.

An ode to sauna.

You walk in.
You´re bare.
Vulnerable.
Your skin glitters.
Sweat drops push through your skin.
Until they drip.
You breathe out.
Hot air.
You scratch your skin.
And dead skin gets stuck under your fingernails.
Dirt.
You start to feel the heat.
Water on the stove.
More heat.
You can´t take it anymore.
The cleanse is done.
The process is over.
You walk out.
Open the window.
Your body releases heat.
It looks like smoke.
You look through the window.
Inhale.
The freshest breathe of air you´ve ever felt.
The smell of nature.
You see the ocean.
You hear the birds.
Soon you´ll take the leap.
The leap for the ocean.
I´ve been dirty for too long.

Healthy?

I woke up early.
I ran.
I made up for treating my body badly.
My mother asked me if I´m back in a healthy lifestyle.
I said.
I can always have one healthy day.
And a few bad ones after that.
HA!
Tomorrow´s a big day.
Have a few meetings.
And a presentation.
I´m happy I´m getting things done.
If I am really determined.
I can do anything.

The weekend was amazing.
Fun.
Spontaneous.
So surprising.
Filled with love.
And so rough.
I´m getting old.
NEVER.
I love.
A lot.

I missed this.

Piece by piece.

I´m putting it all together.
I am seeing an apartment on tuesday.
I have ideas brewing.
I will create.
My school is almost completed.
The sun is shining.
I´m inspired.
It´ll be good.
Lykke Li is playing.
Somehow I have finally understood her.
Fully.
Sadness is a blessing.

I really do wish my view of the world.
And how I look at things.
Doesn´t change.
Even if I decide to stay in this pessimistic country.
I guess I´m good.
At least for the summer.

I just uploaded some pictures.

 
My new favourite person.
My sisters precious baby boy.

Miami hotel rooms.
I guess I was just testing to get the light right.

Airport views in Belize City.
Jesus is Lord.
What else can I say?

I miss the crazy and hilarious boys.
They´ll have another brother soon.

Random Caye Caulker rap music video shoots.
Protected by the law.

Our swim school days.

Jezih as the king of the world.
Or Caye Caulker.

Basically.

Nothing changes.
Days look alike.
It´s saturday.
I´m not sure what to say.
Today I went to teach two small boys how to swim.
At one point I had three kids on my back while swimming.
It was a good workout.
I might go out tonight.
If the vibe is right.
Been so tired lately.
I have also been focusing on my school work.
17 pages down.
Proudness.
Life is simple.
And sweet.
And hot.


This is where I mostly just sleep.
And change.

I have a fan in my room.
Rarely use it.
Someone decorated the room with a xmas sock.

My precious baby.
I love him.

I have met a lot of beautiful people on my trip.
I wish I would have taken more pictures of them.
This is Lorenzo.
From Italy.

It feels like Sunday everyday.

I guess boredom took over a little bit.
So I arranged a pizza night at the hostel.
15 signed up.
And we made 9 pizzas.
Was fun.
Felt good to get a great communal feeling.
And the owners loved it.
I´m just stuck here.
But it´s ok.
I´m not in a rush to go anywhere.
Always this guilt.
Need to get over it.
I was awake until 5am.
I met a new friend.
From my home country.
And we sat up all night.
Talking about life in Finland.
Food in Finland.
My life.
His life.
Struggles of life.
But the consensus was.
Life is amazing.
I repeated (as I now do a lot),
out loud to remind myself:

"It´s the 25th of February.
It´s 11pm.
I don´t have a job.
I am in Belize.
It is a paradise.
Life is good"

I just have to keep reminding myself.
I guess I miss home.
In a different way than I have ever missed it.
Interesting.
New amazing things are coming my way.
I am feeling excited.
The world is my oyster.
Cheesy.
But it´s true.


My daily surroundings.

I went sailing.
And snorkeling.
And felt the breeze that I had missed.
I am in my element out on the ocean.

My room, with the sunset, ocean view.

What day is it today?

I decided to participate in an acro yoga class.
Yesterday.
And that got me really excited.
Today.
Me and my friend did a private class.
With these two amazing teachers.
I feel like a kid again.
Playing in the jungle.


I crossed the lake the other day.

I chilled in a tent on the other side of the lake.

This is my home right now and this is where I sleep, upstairs.

This is the view downstairs, I currently live with two men as you can see from the pile.

The textiles and colours are amazing, and I fell for these shoes.
Yes, I am becoming more colourful and I love it.

Life.

Is amazing right now.
I´m surrounded by jungle.
In a really beautiful place.
In San Marcos, Guatemala.
I live in a little hut.
Sleep upstairs.
My bathroom.
And my shower is outdoors.
I did a hula hoop workshop last night.
And I walk bare feet.
I´m happy.


Cuteness overload.

Beautiful towns.

Black and colours.

Car rides.

Swimming in lakes.

Breakfasts.

No cars.

Nature´s gifts.
Crosses and towns.

Saints.

Markets.

The chosen path.

Today is a good day.
Yesterday was not.
I got punished for choices I made.
I suffered.
I cried.
I said goodbyes.
Then I got up.
Realised I have done my share of crying.
No more.
I smiled.
I Giggled.
It led to laughter.
I stand firmly behind my choices.
And I am so happy.
I wish I could share this feeling with you.
Right now.
I am not sure when I have been this happy.
I am on the right path.
My belongings are on the path.
To Finland.
All I got is my backpack now.
My mantra for the whole year.
My 2014.
Don´t be surprised when we toast in July.
And I go "2014!!!!!!".

In other news.
I don´t need new socks.
But damn.
I love them.

Sold.

Today I was in Heat, Miami Heat.
And I am wearing yet again color.
Maybe it´s a habit.
ALSO.

I sold a poster of my NOPE piece.
Taken somewhere in a North Florida Field at 6am.
If you see anything on my annikaoksanen.com site that you would like to purchase.
Contact me through the site.
And we can go from there.

I heart you.

I have never felt this energy from people.
On how much they get out of the New Year.
New opportunities.
Amazing vibes.
I feel it everywhere.
Everyone keeps reminding me too.
I have never felt special about a year changing until now.
I see everything so clearly now.
The signs are popping up everywhere.
I cried today.
I sat on the floor.
And I cried.
Other than that.
I had a pretty awesome day.
What about you?

PS. If you haven´t yet.
Go see my amazingly astonishing beautiful homepage annikaoksanen.com


I took this picture today.
I LOVE IT.
And I love the fact that for once.
I am in color.
(I always wear black).

This feeling.

Sunday is my favourite day.
Waking up.
The sun is shining.
I take a walk.
It´s warm.
I get back home.
I put on a Bob Marley radio channel.
Never gets tiring.
He´s been in my life since always.
Travelled with me everywhere.
We even had a rough time with Bob.
I was working at a banana farm in Cooktown, Australia.
And they played "The Legend" on repeat.
I drink a glass of lemon water.
Followed by yogurt and granola.
Coffee.
I finish up some work.
I change.
Remembered my new red bikini.
I hop on my bike.
Head for the beach.
Feel the ocean breeze.
And do what I love.
Read a book.
And occasionally sit and admire people.
I am finally in a happy place.



I have been rocking this workout-
Housewife-
Dirty-
Homeless person look.
For many days.
And yesterday I can say.
Damn I looked good.

Here it is.

My simple but beautiful webpage.
Let me know your thoughts.
www.annikaoksanen.com

People watching.

Is what I´ve been doing recently.

Love sitting and absorbing everything I see. 

Sometimes take out my camera and just wait. 

Until I see a moment. 

The moment. 

I want to capture things in my surrounding. 

That other people take for granted. 

Or simply just do not see until I show them. 

Anyways. 

I´m relaxed. 

And I got drunk yesterday. 

On tequila and margaritas. 

With my two women in Tulum.

P.S. I´m building my own website.
Stay tuned. 

Yet again, an umbrella.

I have unintentionally created a series called Loneliness.
I guess I just needed to express how I felt once and I like the idea now.

Clouds have been a theme in my recent pictures.
I love this moment.

I have returned.

We drove for 10 hours.
And here I am.
Safe and sound.
Talk to you soon.
I need a beer.
It´s been a crazy day.
Go check out my Flickr. 
Is Christmas coming?


I met the Voodo lady in New Orleans. XXX.

And somewhere in Florida this morning at 7 am.

30 000.

Hi.
So much to say.
How can I make it sort of interesting.
Or funny.
Finding it hard to concentrate.
Turning tv off.
I guess I will just give it a go.
Sitting here on my hotel bed.
In my bathrobe.
Feeling sentimental.
(Happiness)

I just cried a little.
Watched the movie 12 years a slave.
Before that I had some fish for late night dinner.
Fish is all I will eat from here on out.
I have had enough of all the shit food this country has to offer.
Whilst being on the road I mean.
Ok I guess I have a flow now.
Maybe I can listen to some music.
Spotify.
I need something mellow.
I really like this new artist Mø.
MØ – Freedom (#1) it is.
Anyways before the late night dinner.
I had a massage.
And this massage got me all emotional.
I knew I was tense as I always am.
I tense up when I´m stressed out.
It felt like I got a lot of emotions and tension released.
It was a healing.
Before the massage I woke up.
Before that I slept.
Before that I arrived to my hotel.
Drunk.
At 6am I believe.
Before that I was in a bar somewhere.
With a bunch of amazing people.
People I know well.
And people I will never see again.
Before that we were at a dark pub.
One of the few evenings where I had left work behind.
And let myself relax.
So I sat back.
Lit my cigarette.
And sipped.
Actually.
Chugged my whiskey cokes.
Before that I worked.

By the way.
I never share visitor statuses.
BUT.
I have to thank you.
30 000.
I wish I would know more about you.
What your name is?
Where your from?
What makes you happy?
What makes you return and read this, if you do?

I am texting Nico.
Who is in the room next door.
About the past year.
It´s been an adventure.
And I´ve visited so many places.
So many countries.
So many cities.
Been super busy.
But had a lot of fun.
I have learned a lot about myself this year.
I have gotten to know myself in a way I never knew before.
I have grown.
And I feel I´ve changed a lot.
I see the world in a whole new way.
Next year will bring so much more.
Nothings impossible.
I feel amazing things happening.

Last full moon of the year. Did you see it last night?

Hotel life is bringing me down.
At least when this room is too planned out.
Everything matches.
Same shower curtain as curtains in windows.
And pillows.
Disgusting. 

I feel satisfaction in messing my room up.
And leaving stuff everywhere.
I think it makes it feel more like your own.