Futures.

The time came.
I had to sit down and plan the future.
I bought some flights.
I am returning home.
After escaping so long.
After 8 months of not seeing my loved ones.
It´s time.
I am scared.
To go back.
I am scared of having to deal with my life.
Having to deal with the next step in my life.
I wish someone could do it for me.
And tell me what I should do.
Where I should go.
I am a wanderer.
I can´t sit still.
I need adventures.
I know everything is going to work out.
I have been a bit upset the last days.
New people entered my life.
New amazing friends.
You create feelings.
And then it´s time for goodbyes.
Nothing here is permanent.

Sunsets on rooftops.
My heart will hurt when I leave him behind.
He has given and received so much love, I wish I could bring him home.
Pic by my friend Samuel. 

Don´t do canoe trips alone.
When it´s windy.
You might feel helpless.

Blurry FB picture.
But oh so pretty.
By Samuel. 

Basically.

Nothing changes.
Days look alike.
It´s saturday.
I´m not sure what to say.
Today I went to teach two small boys how to swim.
At one point I had three kids on my back while swimming.
It was a good workout.
I might go out tonight.
If the vibe is right.
Been so tired lately.
I have also been focusing on my school work.
17 pages down.
Proudness.
Life is simple.
And sweet.
And hot.


This is where I mostly just sleep.
And change.

I have a fan in my room.
Rarely use it.
Someone decorated the room with a xmas sock.

My precious baby.
I love him.

I have met a lot of beautiful people on my trip.
I wish I would have taken more pictures of them.
This is Lorenzo.
From Italy.

1 month.

Yesterday was my 1 month anniversary.
In Belize.
I had to go to the island next to this one.
San Pedro.
And get my visa re-stamped.
So now I am good to go for another month.
Let´s see what happens.
Life is so chill here.

But I am sometimes longing for the real life.
I am missing my inspiration.
It´s coming back to me.
As I just got a grant for 1500€ to do a photo project.
I am so excited.
It definitely is a sign that I need to do my thing.

I am missing home.
I am missing the states.
I am missing my people.
And my loved ones.
My bestie Pierre.
Left me.
It was a sad day.
Nothing is permanent.

I am so happy though.
On this trip.
I have met so many people.
People have touched me.
I have heard amazing stories.
I have met people from all over.
They have given me so much.
It´s been like therapy for me.

  
My dear Pierre soaking up the sun.
Oh yeah, we went on a cosy lil fishing/snorkeling trip with our friend Jacob last week.

My family at the moment.
Jeff & Nicole, on the left are the owners of the hostel, and they´re about to have a baby. 

Oh yeah, I got some new ink, quick decisions. 

What to say.

Here I sit.
In the kitchen.
I stare at the screen.
Look to my right.
The porch.
To my left.
The ocean.
Full on sunshine.
The hottest day so far.
But what can you do.
You have to dedicate yourself.
I have to finish this.
I have to graduate.
Tomorrow I have a Skype presentation.
And I think I´ve written about 13 pages.
I´m doing good.

I have also been taken over by a weird feeling.
A new feeling.
I miss home.
And when I say home.
I mean Finland.
My family.
My friends.
It feels so good.
I am excited to spend my summer there.
I feel adventurous.
I have so much love to give.
And I am ready to receive.

The last days have been good.
I have been fishing.
I cought two snappers.
I was so proud.
I was thought how to cut them up.
Prepare them.
And then I cooked them.
And ate them.

I also have had amazing people around me.
Saying goodbye is always frustrating.
The recent days my best friend has been a french dude.
Feels like a little brother.
And his name is Pierre.
We had a big party night the other day.
Went to a new local club.
The second one on the island.
I wish I could share all the stories.
And share the feelings.
We danced all night.

This is what I see right now from the porch.
Goddamn. 

All day, everyday.

There´s not much happening.
I am so chill.
And I have ended up staying in Belize.
For longer than expected.
I have started volunteering at the hostel.
I love this place.
I live for free.
In exchange for some dish washing.
Easy living.
I also started a process.
The writing process.
For my thesis.
So I can finalise my bachelors degree.
It´s hard though.
To decide to sit indoors and write on the computer.
When you look outside.
And see palm trees.
The ocean.
Blue skies.
Hammocks.
Am I really complaining?

Natural days with new details. 

My messy room, this picture is before I cleaned. 

The view from my room, the ocean. 

My two new babies.